I don't know where to start this writing.
That's why people said you can't really have too much on anything. Too much feeling will made you miserable. Over sensitive is something i really wanna change, but failed in the end. It's there eating me alive. INFJ-T is a personality i sometimes not too proud of.
With so many things that happened in these months, i don't know anymore what really caused these pains. Is it because my irl problems, i overreacted over some kpop boys? Or is this kpop boys really have control over my mental health that it really affected my daily life?
Because whether i like it or not, i miss you today.
Isn't it funny how you missed over someone you never met, who doesn't even know that you are exist? i don't really wanna validate this feeling, i feel like a teenager that don't even have other things to worry. I have so many things to worry. I have problems and really wanna run away to a place where no one knows me. But no, im not gonna talk about those problems.
Because indeed, i miss you today.
Just like before, i once again fall for this fan girling thing. I wanna laugh, really. Kpop indeed is a lingkaran setan. I don't wanna justify this pain, because somehow i feel ashamed. I really wanna shout that all of this are nonsense. this feeling isn't real.
But whether it's real or not, i miss you today.
I miss Wono a lot.
I've been avoiding everything about MX for more than 2 weeks now. I sometimes logged in my account just to check on if there will be news about him. I decided to go on a break cause i felt that i overreacted and too affected by Wono's leaving. I felt that it's really unhealthy to acted really miserable over some kpop boy that doesnt even know you. I felt like i swim on a pool of sadness that i can actually control in the first place.
so i want to control it in order to bring back my sanity.
But still, out of nowhere i miss you today.
I stopped listening to your albums for quite some time,
but still, i miss you today.
People said i only knew bits and pieces about you.
But still, i miss you today.
How are you doing? have you eaten yet? are you with your mom? We all know you are that hyper sensitive person. It's 3 am, you are not crying over a movie or some animal videos, arent you? have you phone called Kihyun? it's his birthday.
You know, it will be easier if you are really a bad person. I can just forget you and let it go.
So if you indeed not a good person, i really pray the universe reveals it soon.
But if it's not true at all, please remember you are not alone. Please remember you are loved by so many people. Please fight over your dreams that you've built for years.
Just like what Gitasav said, this canceled cultures is so f*cked up. So easy to said "you are canceled" over some wrongdoing that people did years ago and didn't even paid attention on the process and effort they have been doing to be better.
Wono, i miss you today.
i really hope you are surrounded by good people only.
i know,  my life still have to go on. Not because you arent that important and you are "just some random kpop boy"
it's because bad things happen. Yesterday you might be all about flowers and rainbow, but the next day you might face the storms. it's okay not to be okay and to be stressed even over small things. But the next thing, you should know how to get up again.
It's not just some random kpop boy, because somehow i learned better about many things and about myself over some "kpop related stuff"more than my real lyfe problem itself.
I may miss you again the next day.
so I will write for you when it makes me insomnia again.